James Hu: Chinese American Living Abroad

James Hu grew up in the Bay Area, where he was surrounded by Asian American peers, cuisine, and culture. In the bubble, he never gave much thought to his Chinese American identity. Now as a young professional, James has worked and lived in Mexico City, Mozambique, London, Tokyo, Istanbul, and Indonesia, experiences which have helped him reflect on what it means to be Chinese American and a “Western Asian” in today’s globalized society.

Rebecca: Can you start by telling me about your upbringing, especially regarding your Chinese American identity?

James: I grew up in San Jose, California, where my public high school was 75% Asian - mostly Taiwanese, Indian, Chinese, Korean and Japanese. The idea of being Asian American or Chinese American never really occurred to me as I was growing up, because the community around me was so homogenous. 

In some ways I had a stereotypical Chinese upbringing: I spoke Mandarin Chinese at home, started the violin at age five, started playing the erhu (Chinese two-stringed violin) at age nine, and attended Chinese school weekly. In other ways, my upbringing was more open-minded. I was in a youth orchestra that did tours in Europe, and my parents were very supportive of that. My mom was a fantastic chef and would cook foods from diverse cuisines, like American or Italian food. My parents fully appreciated that they were in a different, multicultural country, and they wanted our family to fully experience that. 

Photo courtesy of James Hu

Rebecca: Was it your choice to play the violin and the erhu?

James: I was five years old at the time, so it was not really my decision. My mom always loved music, but growing up in China, her family was destitute and there was no opportunity to learn music. She wanted her kids to carry on her dream, so my sister and I both started on the piano and did band throughout high school. 

The erhu was easy to pick up after playing the violin. A friend and I used to go to Castro Street in downtown Mountain View and busk on the street. It was so exotic that people would stop and stare. We'd gather crowds of 30-40 and make $100 in two hours just playing on the street. 

Rebecca: That’s funny. The only people I’ve seen play the erhu are older men in parks, so I appreciate you changing my perspective on that. As you’ve gotten older, how has the way you view your Chinese American identity changed? 

James: Sure, I think about this in two phases: before and after I started living internationally. When I was in university, I did not think critically about being Asian American. I became friends with a lot of Asians, but I also had a lot of non-Asian friends. The only time during university that I became self-conscious about my race was when I joined a Greek social fraternity, where racial name-calling was the daily norm.

My eyes opened when I left the US. Through work, I’ve spent a couple of years living in Mexico, Japan, the UK, Mozambique, Turkey, and Indonesia. That's when I started to realize hey, I'm not American, but I'm also not Chinese. 

When I was in Mexico, I enrolled in Spanish classes and every student in the class was from a different country, places like Brazil, South Korea, Germany, Switzerland, and Togo. I was the token “American guy” - my Chinese heritage was never mentioned. In that I was a little bit offended like hey, I'm not just an American white dude, I'm Chinese American. 

Asia is a different story. In both Japan and Indonesia, my physical appearance helps me blend in with local residents. I’m perceived to be a local until someone tries to speak with me and I can’t speak back. Then all of a sudden, my “Asianness” disappears and I lose benefits such as local prices, and in the case of Japan, access to things such as popular restaurants. On the flip side, I still don’t reap the benefits of being white in Asia, such as more politeness and expedited service over locals. Some days, I feel like being Chinese American gives me the worst of both worlds.

Speaking of negativity - when people around the world think of Chinese people, negative stereotypes often come to mind; this is noticeable in the language and tone people use to describe Chinese people. By contrast, Japanese people are generally viewed in a positive light. Ironically, one of the only times I remember hearing a positive connotation about China was in relation to Covid-19. In Istanbul, I told someone I was Chinese (as I had learned to do) and they remarked “wow, your country has no virus now, right?” And I felt proud. 

Rebecca: During your time abroad, have you met other Asian Americans? 

James: I met one or two in London, and several in Tokyo, but that was it. Asia’s global hubs, such as Singapore and Bali, have a lot of expats, but they’re mainly Europeans and not Americans. I spent four weeks in Bali recently and met no other Western Asians - European, American, or Australian. 

I can't tell you how many times people ask me where I’m from, and when I tell them in perfect American English that I’m from America, they blatantly respond “No, you’re not.” There’s a lot of talk in the US about how it’s not appropriate to ask people “where they’re really from,” but anywhere outside of California and New York, people aren’t aware of this nuance. I’ve learned that I can either get offended by these people or accept that the concept of a Western Asian is a novelty.

Asian Americans rarely leave the US to live abroad. That makes my experience all the more isolating, because it's rare to have the opportunity to speak with another Asian American about what it's like to live in another country. 

Rebecca: Even though living abroad is an isolating experience at times, you’re still doing it. What propels you to continuing living abroad, especially in places like Indonesia? 

James: The more I learn about the world, the more I realize how much I don’t know. I don't want to be 40 or 50 years old and wish I had traveled more when I was younger. I've done far more personal development in the last two months than I have in the last two years, and have done far more personal development the last two years than in the last 20 years. 

There are a ton of perks of living abroad, like meeting people with unfathomably different upbringings. Over the holidays, I stayed in a villa in Bali with two friends; one is ethnically Indian, but grew up in Tokyo and Hong Kong. You don’t really find people like that living in the States. The other friend identifies as Cuban American, but grew up in Singapore, holds a British passport, and moved to Indonesia after living in Miami. Again, not an average American background. In the US, I could very easily push myself away from people that are too different from me. But in a foreign country you can't necessarily do that and that's the kind of insane experience that puts identity into perspective. 

Rebecca: Before going abroad, did you anticipate that you would have these life-changing experiences?  

James: No way. Before I left Mexico City, a bunch of the students from the class got together at a cocktail lounge to have goodbye drinks. We were from all these different countries, and we all speak English, but we did the entire night’s conversation in Spanish. It was just so different from any experience I would ever get in America that I was like you know what, I'm not going to go back to America for a long time. 

That being said, after I worked and lived in several countries through consulting, I actually moved back to the US - San Francisco - for a year. It was partly because my mom passed away, and I thought I should think about settling down. But Asian American California felt foreign to me after my time abroad. I would sit down to dinner with people and they would say things that I would be like, wait, did you really just say that? In one conversation, Switzerland and Sweden were mentioned, and this woman asked if Sweden is the capital of Switzerland. I was dumbstruck and the funny thing is she had previously applied to work for Spotify, which is a Swedish company. You would never hear a comment like that from someone who lived in any other country in the world.

Rebecca: Do you think it’s going to be a difficult transition when you come back to the States? 

James: It was extremely hard to come back to San Francisco. I couldn't stand it, and so I ended up leaving. New York will probably be okay, since it’s more diverse, and that’s one of the cities I’m considering living in the long term. But we'll see - I don’t want to plan too far ahead.

My other option is to live in Asia, since I would like to further explore my Asian side - I feel like I was denied that part of my identity having grown up in America. Shanghai would be pretty sweet.

Rebecca: Do you think there’s some irony in the fact that your parents immigrated to the States from China and now you’re working in Asia?  

James: Absolutely. But, there are some key differences: I am moving around and working internationally because I want to and because I have the privilege - financially, professionally, and legally (through my dual Western passports). I took a 90% pay cut when moving to Indonesia, because I can afford to.  By contrast, my parents moved to different countries because they were looking for opportunity. They needed to make money to support their families in tier-five cities in China, and also escape political instability.

I've never spoken with my dad explicitly about what it means to be Chinese American in today’s globalized society, or how my experiences have been. But I think in a lot of ways he deeply understands what I’m experiencing, even though he cannot directly empathize. When I told him I was moving to Indonesia, he was like, “Okay.”  

Rebecca: Have you been able to balance living abroad, working full-time, and hobbies? 

James: I wish I had more time for hobbies and other things. I’ve been fortunate to have always had a full time job in every country, but that means all of my spare time goes to making sure that I'm not “wasting my time abroad.” If I'm going to be in Indonesia I want to make sure that on the weekends I can travel around and see different parts of the country. Whereas if I lived in New York for five years, it would be an easier decision to spend a weekend at home working on music, reading, or cooking. 

Part of me wants to stop traveling. I want to settle down in one of my favorite cities, like New York or Tokyo, and just build a stable life and pursue other things. I want to open a restaurant that doubles as a creative space. I want to develop stable relationships and friendships. 

Rebecca: A lot of Asian Americans (as well as non-Asian Americans) feel beholden to the rat race and tend to measure their self worth by their achievements. Now that you’ve moved abroad, do you still feel those pressures?

James: Yes and no. The US over-indexes on the rat race a little too much, especially in San Francisco’s elite professional scene. At networking events, it's like, oh, you didn't go to Stanford, so I'm going to go talk to someone else. When I travel abroad, there is less of that. I don't care so much about these kinds of achievements, but I've also been fortunate to have a strong CV. I recognize this is a luxury, and it gives me a lot of confidence.

That being said, when I travel around there is pride that comes from having grown up in America. There aren’t a lot of Western Asians outside of America, Canada, Australia, and some metro areas in Europe. People around the world don't meet Western Asians, and they are sometimes very intrigued by my background; it can be exotic and there's a certain kind of elitism and pride that comes with that.